Letting go
by Dreamer026
Summary: It was the first time in her life where Regina felt that she was in absolute control. Warning: Suicide attempt and swearing. Swan Queen.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: All characters belong to ABC/Ouat.

* * *

She is physically and mentally exhausted. She is burned out, worn out by every little thing in her life. Her son, her mother, every godawful person in this goddamned town. Her whole life felt as if she was this puppet, to her mother, to Gold, and now even Snow White joined that list of puppeteers when she tricked her to kill Cora.

She is tired of everything, the only thing that ever made sense in her life was brutally, senselessly taken from her. She should have known, she should have seen it coming, she knew what her mother was capable of, she should have known!

She was so blinded by the love she felt for Daniel that she let her guard down, she should have known that Cora was not going to let her be happy. She should have been more careful, shouldn't have told an eleven year old, but she was so happy, so in love.

She wishes everyday that Emma hadn't come to her rescue when the town wanted to punish her for her crimes. She was ready, she had accepted her fate, she was ready to finally get that peace she has always craved, but Emma Swan once again had to interfere with everything she does. Not only does she takes Henry away from her, she has to come to her rescue like some sort of hero. Maybe it's better this way, because maybe this is the one of the few choices of her life she can have absolutely control over. She will have that choice and nobody will take that away from her.

She has a rope and a bottle of pills laid on top on her silk sheets in her bedroom. If she was going to kill herself, it wasn't going to be messy. She signed the adoption papers of Henry giving sole custody to Emma. Her Assets were to be put in a trust fund for Henry until he reached eighteen. Her house was to be divided between Henry and Emma. Every document was neatly tucked in a file in her office downstairs. A letter explaining her decision was left to the Savior, and another for Henry, letting him know her profound love she felt for him and making certain that he did not blame himself.

She didn't leave any specifics in how she wants to buried or disposed of, she figures whatever is done with her body will not matter.

She sits down at the edge of the bed. She feels cold all of the sudden, as if the reality of the situation finally sets in. She shudders at the thought of not seeing Henry for one last time. Her son, he is the main reason she is doing this, she doesn't want to hurt him anymore, she wants him to have a normal life and even though she clashes heads with Emma most of the time, she knows the Savior is a good person. She wont be a puppet of the Charmings, and that's what soothes her the most.

Sometimes she wishes things were different, but she wont think too much of that, it is to late for her, she is far too broken, she is beyond repair and she knows it.

She picks up the rope, because she wants to be certain that she is going to die, she doesn't want to be saved, and so she heads for the closet.

The reality of what's coming catches up to her as she is tying the rope in the hanger rod. Her hands are shaking and she needs a minute to collect herself. Breathe in and breathe out. _You are not a coward, Regina! _she reminds herself as she resumes tying the rope.

She stands back and looks at her work. Breathe in and breathe out. Tears fall down her cheeks. Is this really how she is going to end? It is the only way, she reminds herself, you are doing this for Henry, you are doing this for yourself.

She looks down at her watch, it is 9:35 pm. She steps out of the walk-in closet and goes downstairs, to make sure everything is tidy and in order. She double checks all the documents in her office and pours herself a glass of scotch. She sits in her desk and sips slowly. She picks up a photo of Henry when he was about four years old and puts it face down. She doesn't need any remainders of what she is leaving behind. She places the unfinished glass of scotch hard on the desk and goes upstairs.

She paces for about five minutes before deciding to go in the closet. She stares at the rope, hard. Tears gather once again at the corner of her eyes. She should not care about this, she is The Evil Queen for gods sake!

She grabs the rope and places it around her neck. She tightens the knot and takes a deep breath. She slumps forward and feels the rope cutting her air supply. It takes a great amount of will to not stand up straight and loosen it up. She starts to feel lightheaded and as she is in the verge of loosing consciousness, she swears she hear knocking on her front door, but it is too late, her knees buckle and she hears or sees no more.

* * *

As Emma parks her bug in Regina's driveway, she is presented a unusually dark house. Confused, she steps out of the car and mades her way to the front door. Regina is definitely home because her car is here.

She has had the older woman in the back of her mind this whole week, even more so since Henry told her about the whole love potion fiasco. He hasn't stopped talking about her since. He is starting to realize that his fairy tale book isn't as black and white as he thought it was. She had seen the distraught look on the other woman's face that day, and as much as she pretended not to care about her, she actually did, a lot. Today though, a nagging feeling in the back of her head was telling her to come to the mayor's house.

She knocks on the door but doesn't hear any noise from inside.

"Regina, open up!"

She yells because she knows it irritates Regina, maybe that'll get her to open the door, if only just to yell at her. She just needed to make sure she was alright. When she didn't hear any movement coming from the house she tried the lock and to her surprise, the door was unlocked .

The feeling of dread in her stomach got stronger, something was definitely not right. Regina never leaves her door unlocked. She pushes the door open and walks in.

"Regina? You left your door open so I came in."

Nothing.

She glanced towards Regina's office but it was empty. It was the only room with the lights on downstairs.

"Regina!'' she called loudly as she went up the stairs. She could see light coming from the Queen's bedroom.

"Regina, are you in the bathroom?"

Silence.

"Cover yourself cause I'm coming in!"

She walked in expecting to see an enraged Regina coming out of her bathroom but instead found an empty bedroom and a dark bathroom. She notices that light is coming from the closet as the door is open ajar.

"Regina?"

She doesn't bother waiting for a reply and pushes the door open. What greets her make the hairs on the back of her neck stand up.

"FUCK!"

She rushes into the closet and holds Regina up straight against her body with one hand while reaching for her pocket knife with the other.

"What the fuck did you do!" she mumbles as she cuts the rope off and takes it off the woman's neck.

She drops the knife carelessly on the floor and quickly drags the brunette outside the closet. She can feel that Regina is still warm to the touch, which brings a tiny amount of relief. She lays the older woman down on the floor and checks for a pulse.

None.

Without thinking she starts to give her CPR. She notices Regina's lips, they are an ugly shade of blue. She closes her eyes and continues the compressions on her chest. She breathes into Regina's mouth, once, twice. She places her ear on the brunette's chest, still nothing. She starts compressions again.

"Come on! You. are. not. dying." each syllable is accentuated with every chest compression.

By the fourth set of compressions, she checks for a heart beat again. Tears gather in her eyes as she feels the tiniest of beats coming from her blackened heart. She looks up at Regina's face and lowers her ear into the brunette's nose, checking to see if she is breathing on her own.

She is not. She starts breathing into her mouth once again, feeling the brunette's chest rise with every breath she gives her. After a couple of minutes with no response from the older woman, she dials 911.

"I need you to send an ambulance to the mayoral mansion ASAP!''

TBC.


	2. Chapter 2

She was waiting in the waiting room. It has been almost an hour since they arrived to the emergency room. She was pacing, she couldn't stand still, not with everything she has been through in the past couple of hours.

What the fuck was wrong with Regina. How could she do this to Henry? She remembers breathing for Regina while waiting for the ambulance to arrive. They told her not to stop and to keep checking that her heart was still beating.

She was exhausted, but she couldn't stay still. Adrenaline was still pumping through her veins. She just have to know that Regina is alright, for her sake and for Henry's.

Oh God, Henry! What is she going to tell him? He is going to be devastated.

Her thoughts were interrupted when she saw Dr. Whale approaching her.

"She is alive. Her trachea suffered some damage, but nothing that will not heal. She is going to be hooked to a ventilator until it does."

"Is she awake?"

He sighed, "Not at the moment. Quite frankly I don't know if she sustained any brain damage from the lack of oxygen, we will find out when she wakes up, if she wakes up."

"What do you mean if she wakes up?"

"She still has brain activity, but we won't know the extent of the damage until she is awake, but I can't guarantee you that she will."

She stood in silence, processing what she has just been told. This can not be happening. Suddenly an Idea struck her.

"Can we heal her with magic?"

"I don't know, since her injuries are not a product of magic, I am not sure if it can be done."

"I wanna see her."

"I'm afraid that will not be possible, Miss Swan. She is in the ICU and only immediate family is allowed in there."

"You gotta be kidding me! I need to see her!"

"I'm afraid not."

"The only family she has here is Henry!"

"Rules are rules Miss Swan. Maybe you can see her when you bring Henry or if she gets better enough to be put in a regular room."

With that, he turned around and left. She wants to hit something or throw something or maybe both. Ugh! She starts pacing, she will not cry, not in front of people. Maybe she can talk to Gold, maybe he can do some sort of spell and heal Regina.

She no longer can stand being in the hospital so she leaves. She will come back though, and she is going to see Regina, she is the sheriff for god sake. She is going to tell her how stupid she was, yell at her, because how dare she do this.

She is driving aimlessly around the town. She knows she has to go tell Henry but she doesn't know how. The only thing she knows is that it's going to break the kid. It is going to break the kid like it is breaking her. Suddenly she gets a flashback of Regina hanging in her closet and her eyes water.

"How can you be so fucking stupid!" she hits the steering wheel and when she looks up, she realizes that she drove all the way back to the Mayor's mansion.

She is so angry, so upset and she doesn't know why. She gets out of the car and walks towards the front door. She knows the door is open, it was the last thing on her mind when the ambulance finally came. She was about to go in when a voice stopped her.

"Emma!" Leroy with a dagger in his hand and about a third of the town were walking towards the house with lit torches in their hands, deja vu much. What's wrong now? It is late and she really has not time for this.

"We saw the ambulance earlier. Who is hurt?" but before she could answer him, he started talking again. "I knew this was going to happen. You should have let us burn that witch to ashes when we had the chance!"

Of course they thought Regina did something. She is mildly surprised that her parents are not here leading the mob. She really has no time or patience to deal with this right now.

"Whatever happened here is none of your concerns and as the Sheriff, I suggest you all go home."

"She is powerful, Emma. We can help you get rid of her, you don't have to do this alone."

She closed her eyes for a moment, her lips turned into a thin line, but her face gave no emotion.

"Nobody is getting rid of anyone. Now, I hate repeating myself so I am going to say this one more time. Go home before I arrest each one of you for trespassing a private property."

"You can't-"

"Did I fucking stutter?"

Something in the expression of the blonde woman made Leroy snap his mouth shut.

"MOVE!'' and they did, slowly but surely they started to leave the Mayor's driveway. She heard disapproving mumblings but right now she didn't care about anything anybody had to say. She stood in front of the door until she was sure everyone left the property.

She went inside and stood in front of the now closed door. She went to Regina's study, it was the only room with lights on. She sat in Regina's chair and for the first time since the last couple of hours she felt the adrenaline leaving her body. There was a file placed in the desk and a face down picture. She picked it up and her stomach turned. It was a picture of Henry when he was a little. The tears she has been holding finally burst out of her eyes as she lets out an anguished filled sob.

She cries for Regina, she cries for Henry, she cries for herself. What if Regina dies?

She picks up the file and opens it. She is surprised to find an envelope addressed to herself, she starts to open it. Probably Regina telling her how this was all her fault, she thinks. She starts reading the letter anyway.

_Miss Swan,_

_I am writing you this letter to inform you that inside this file, Henry's adoption papers are signed and in your name. There are also all the legal documents of my possessions_ _as they are going to be passed to Henry's name when he is of legal age._

_I left you as the owner of the house and it will be divided between Henry and yourself once he turns eighteen. _

_As why I did this, I believe this is my time go. I have nothing left in neither or our worlds, my mother is deceased, my son no longer sees me as his mother, and I have no job left, as a Queen or as the Mayor. Maybe my mother was right, love is weakness._

_Please be a dear and don't cut down my apple tree, it is one of the few things that I'm going to deeply miss out of Storybrook. Please give Henry the life he deserves, and don't let him blame himself for this._

_Regina Mills _

Her tears are running freely down her cheeks now, she couldn't stop the agonizing sobs that were ripping through her throat.

"I'm s-sorry!''

She doesn't know why she is apologizing, but those are the only words that come out of her mouth. She feels as if her heart is breaking to pieces. She can't loose Regina, she doesn't know why but she just can't.

Her thoughts are broken by the sound of her cellphone. She checks and it reads Mary Margaret in the screen. She doesn't want to answer but she knows if she doesn't, they are going to come looking for her, so she does.

"Yeah?'' her voice is hoarse from crying.

"Emma! Are you okay? What happened? Leroy came by and told me about an ambulance at Regina's place! Did she hurt anybody? Do you want us to go over there?"

"I'm not hurt." she answers her, she is not hurt but she is not okay.

"What happened?"

"Regina is in the hospital. Can you bring Henry over to Regina's house? I need to talk to him."

"What? why? It is past midnight, Emma, he has school tomorrow."

"Look, either bring the kid or I'll go get him myself." The tone of her voice so chilly that it made Snow White's hairs stand up.

"So what is it gonna be?"

"We'll be there in a few minutes."

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

Emma waited. She waited for Henry to come, even though she had no idea what she was going to say to him.

She picks up her cellphone, dials a number and waits.

"Yes, this is Sherif Swan, can I speak with doctor Whale, please?...Ok."

She hates waiting.

"Are there any changes?" Sigh, "Okay, yes, I know. I'll be there later. Bye."

She hears the doorbell as she hangs up and closes her eyes. Henry is here with Mary Margaret, her mother. David was probably here as well. She gets out of Regina's chair and goes to let them in.

When she opens the door, a pajama clad Henry rushes to her and hugs her. She briefly closes her eyes as she runs her fingers through his messy hair. He needs a haircut.

"What's wrong Emma? Where's mom? Did she do something bad again?"

She looks down to meet his worried gaze.

"Can you go up to your room and wait for me there? I have to talk to Mary Margaret and David first."

He just stands there, paralyzed. She can see fear clouding his young eyes.

"Did something bad happen to her? Is she- is she okay?"

She doesn't answer him. How could she? When she knows that the answer to all his questions are going to break him.

"Emma, Where is mom?"

Sigh, "Henry please go to your room. I will talk to you in a minute." When he made no effort to move she added, "Please."

He looks at her for a second, trying to figure out what was wrong, but Emma's face doesn't give any information away. He sighs and silently walks up the stairs.

"What happened, Emma?" Snow asks once they are sure Henry is out of earshot.

Emma sighs again. She doesn't know where to start, what to say. She moves quietly and sits in the living room, her parents following close behind.

"Emma, What's wrong with Regina?" This time is David who speaks. She looks up, her parents both looking at her with matching looks.

"She is in the hospital, Whale doesn't know if she if going to be okay."

"I figured she was in the hospital from what you told me over the phone. Why though, was it magic related?"

"No, it wasn't magic related."

"Did she try to hurt anybody? You?'' David presses.

"NO! She tried to kill herself!''

The only sound heard was Snow's gasp.

"I came to check up on her and found her in her closet. She tried to hang herself."

After a tense silence, Mary Margaret was the first one to speak.

"What are the doctors saying?"

She says it so low that Emma almost misses it.

"Whale doesn't even know if she is gonna wake up and if she does, there is always the worry about brain damage, which they wont know about until she wakes up."

Silence. It is a lot to take in. The Charmings don't even know how to react to the news.

"Maybe you shouldn't have interfered." David says slowly after a while.

"Excuse me?"

Both Mary Margaret and Emma look at him confused, but it is the latter who voices it.

"If that was her decision, maybe you shouldn't have interfered."

"Are you seriously saying what I think you are saying?" Emma asks incredulously.

"Look, all I'm saying is that with Regina gone, this town and all its people will finally get the peace and relief they all deserve, that we all deserve."

"And you people are supposed to be the good guys?" Emma asks, astonished.

"Emma, her didn't mean it like that. You have to und-"

"No. Just go home." Emma cuts Snow off with a sense of finality. She is just too tired to argue.

"Emma, you don't owe Regina anything. You are not obligated to do anything!" David tries again.

"She is the mother of my son!" Emma explodes, "She may have been shitty to you and Mary Margaret but she raised my son! Henry loves her and I care about her so no, I couldn't have just walk away when I saw her hanging by the neck in her fucking closet, David."

"She is evil!"

Emma closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. This is ridiculous. She opens her eyes and looks straight at David.

"Go. Get out."

"Emma-" Snow tries, but she is cut off by the blonde once again.

"No. Today I've been through hell and back and I'm about to go tell my son that his mother is dying in the hospital. So no, I don't need this right now. Please leave, I'll go by the apartment tomorrow to pick up mines and Henry's stuff."

"You are leaving? Where are you staying?"

"Here. I'm sure Henry would feel a little better if we stay here while we deal with this." She'll stay at the mansion until Regina herself kicks her out, because Regina is going to be fine, she has to.

David is not looking at them, while Snow looks at her daughter as if trying to decipher a puzzle. Once she gives up, she gives Emma a slight nod and turns to her husband.

"Lets go home." As they start to walk towards the entrance of the house, Snow turns back to Emma.

"As hard to believe as it sounds, I once loved Regina. Please keep me updated."

And with that, they leave the house. Emma turns towards the stairs and looks up. She has to tell Henry.

Once she reaches his room, she knocks lightly before calling out his name.

"Henry, can I come in?"

When she hears no response, she pushes the door open.

"Henry?"

The room is empty. She quickly walks towards Regina's bedroom.

"Henry where are you?"

Regina's room is empty. Something catches her eye though, Regina's window is wide open. She runs out of the room, out of the house.

"Henry!"

But there is no one near by. She gets in her bug and slowly drives on her way to the hospital. Henry must have heard them.

She spots him, not even a mile from the mansion, walking fast. She pulls up next to him and gets out of the car.

"Kid! What the hell are you doing walking by yourself at this hour!"

He is crying.

"I'm going to see mom!" he flinches away from her touch, "and you can't stop me!"

"Hey! Listen to me kid," she grabs him by the shoulders and kneel down to his level, "No one is going to stop you from seeing your mom, okay."

"I heard you talking with Mary Margaret and David. I heard what he said."

"I am not David or Mary Margaret, kid."

He looks at her, his eyes filled with unshed tears. She gives him a teary smile and that's all it takes for him to launch himself at her. She holds him tight as he sobs into her shoulder.

"I don't want my mom to die."

"Me neither, kid," she pulls away a little to look at his face, "wanna go see your mom now?"

He nods as he wipes away the remaining tears off his face. They both silently get back in the car and as Emma drives towards Storybrook's hospital, only one thought runs through her mind.

'I hope this is just a fucking nightmare.'

TBC


End file.
